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Who
will be the lucky one?
Rivka goes to her rabbi for advice. "Rabbi," she
says. "Both Abe and Sol are in love with me. Both want
to marry me, and I have to pick...Who will the lucky one
be?" The rabbi looked at her and replied, "Abe
will marry you and Sol will be the lucky one.
Two
Jewish men
Morry gets into a cab to the airport. The cab driver asks
"would you like to hear a joke?"
Morry
says "sure."
The
driver starts, "Two jews are walking down the street..."
Morry then says "I'm Jewish. why do you all think that
it is funny to pick on jews in your jokes? can't you tell
a joke about Chinese people?"
The
driver replies "I'm sorry sir...two Chinese men are
walking down the street, on their way to a Bar mitzvah when...."
The
Jewish car of the future
In the future, a rabbi makes a car. This car doesn't run
on fuel, it runs on judaic belief. And to start this car
you must say "Baruch Hashem" (Praise G-d), the
faster you say it the faster the car goes. And the word
to stop the car is "Amen".
So one day, a very spacey college student gets into his
car and starts chanting "Baruch hashem, baruch hashem,
baruch hashem..." the car speeds up and gets faster
and faster. Soon the student realizes that he is heading
towards a cliff, he desperatley struggles to remember the
word and finally remembers.
The second before he goes off, he says "Amen!"
and the car stops.
He sighs in relief, and says "Baruch hashem"...
Mind
reader
My cousin Moishe owned one of the biggest and fastest-growing
businesses in North West London, a furniture store.
I convinced him that he needed to take a trip to Italy to
check out the merchandise himself and because he was still
single, he could check out all the hot Italian women, and
maybe get lucky.
As Moishe was checking into a hotel, he struck up an acquaintance
with a beautiful young lady. She only spoke Italian and
he only spoke English, so neither understood a word the
other spoke.
He
took out a pencil and a notebook and drew a picture of a
taxi. She smiled, nodded her head and they went for a ride
in the park. Later, he drew a picture of a table in a restaurant
with a question mark and she nodded, so they went to dinner.
After dinner he sketched two dancers and she was delighted.
They went to several nightclubs, drank champagne, danced
and had a glorious evening. It had gotten quite late when
she motioned for the pencil and drew a picture of a four-poster
bed.
Moishe was dumbfounded, and to this day remarks to me that
he's never been able to understand how she knew he was in
the furniture business. |
